On Halloween in 1986, I walked through the doors of Saint Francis Prep High School in Queens dressed as Cyndi Lauper. The costume was a melange of textures from the closet, the castoff bin and the jewelry box. I had the hair, the height and the hype and my get-up was “awesome”, “wicked” or whatever meant “sweet” in the late 80s. And so, that DJ played my songs…her songs…after all... Cyndi was at the top of the charts with two albums under her multiple belts (worn over plaid hot pants and polka dotty layers of skirts, of course).
This rollicking bash was thrown in the school's cafeteria; latent lunch grease and soda machines imbued the scene with a surreal familiarity despite dimmed lighting and a "dance floor” flanked by stacks of lunch tables and lit with disco balls hung from asbestos ceiling tiles. I loved all of it; I knew it was magic and I danced and danced and sang my own songs out of tune.
Somewhere during that night I realized just how much the tattered, vintage and oh so funky peach tulle prom dress suited me. Accompanied with an army jacket, chiffon scarves tied on all limbs, pointy metallic pumps and armloads – literally armloads of bling and bangles, I felt good. Really good. This was a costume yes, but I felt right. I was liberated by the (extra) big and asymmetrical hair, the baubles, three colors of eye shadow -- which I vaguely recall were mardi gras colors -- and my rhinestoned dipped ears. I think after that my wardrobe choices, and perhaps a score of other choices, were decidedly different. I had found – somewhere on the slippery terrazzo dance floor – my “true colors”. And I was never the same.
I went to NYU less than a year later, learned a lot, and then even more about myself over that next decade of years I accumulated. Gaining confidence, learning to love myself and give it out. I took many steps down that path that keeps taking me onward toward me…
When I was almost 30 Kodak launched a campaign with the song “True Colors” and I realized, I just might be a grown up. When someone takes your mantra and starts to sell something with it on the t.v. you can resent them for it, or make it an anthem. I chose the latter, and every time I hear the song, it makes me cry.
Yes, really, cry. Just ask Laurie Meseroll -- who was the first to document this Pavlovian response -- or any of my girls who still wanna (and do) have fun.... Anyone that knows me well enough to understand, has seen me laugh hard enough to cry, has seen joy sweep me into tears, and has shared this tune -- lost in thought of the years that have collected about us with a beautiful patina of good memories.
I turned 41 last month, and the bangles are still on my arm. And yes, I find it totally acceptable to wear crinolines on the outside… if for nothing more than the fun of the twirl of my skirt.
Thanks Cyndi.
Xxoo Jen
You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small
But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow
Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there
And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow
